sattelite

12/7/11 was the day I wrote this. I wonder what kept me from publishing..

A piece of two worlds

energized by longings to be 

one of the two

Your hands made it

with a dream to reach mine

programmed to your language

mine it won't understand

Your satellite looked back

as it left your atmosphere

grinning in excitement

it is hungry for space

It takes years of stillness

to ponder through maturity,

of many tribulations, and

taxing emotions

Because it misses you

so terribly

it thinks less of me

and my wonders

it looked back

to your blue planet

wishing for warmth

and temporary worries

for tight hugs

and traffic jams

for assuring smiles

and stupid shrieks at

horror movies

take back your satellite, earth

because it revolves around you

and it longs to be in you

no more looking from afar

waiting for something to happen

dan lalu
hari mendung kembali menyapa
kelas kelas gelap penuh nyawa
suck us all in
finals

An empty bottle of carlsberg, dusty and forgotten
remnants of the nights we spent together
dusty and forgotten
still very much alive

dusty and forgotten, but alive

we're not hipsters anymore
we're no longer subject to fashion trends
or naive parties celebrating naive things
the bottle a reminder

how old and boring
dusty and forgotten
yet still alive
team of parents kept the family going

we're not cool, we're not completely in love
but this love has run deeper than steamy kisses in the bathroom
or explosive anger towards each others' shortcomings
this love is old and boring
dusty and forgotten
but alive. alive and growing.

maybe one day our grandkids will know
marriage isn't a romantic-comedy
it's worth fighting for
bruce wills die hard

hurry-canned

a hurricane went through my room
everywhere is everything
paper charger
left over burger
wet towel
and dirty bowl
dry food, forgotten nutrition
everything is everywhere
none of me in one place
every me is divided

--
this is a much needed break, this thanksgiving
because i certainly has stopped being productive

please come online

dear mom,

Death is a weird thing. I don't get it, i don't understand why it still confusing when i know god got it covered. that oma is with tuhan. Mam, jujur kahanna beneran kaya kesamber geledek waktu mami bilang oma udah ngak ada. Sekarang kahanna mencoba buat visualisasi-kan jalan jakarta kosong, opa makan breakfast sendirian, dan dari jarak sekian kilometer dari kalian, semuanya bisa dipercaya.

I don't know much about oma, but her presence was always there. Things i remembered most are letters, and time i spent praying for her health, or times when i finally learned something more about her. Like when she had her birthday in that dutch restaurant, and oma dee started telling stories about how they started their lives in Jakarta. That was the most interesting thing i heard about oma until now.

On my birthday, I remember, She was in the hospital, and I had baked this cake (or was it jello), brought maybe pizza and salad or something. We brought everything into her room, and had a little party there. Matrix was on TV. I got all nice and dressed, but at the end of the night, while carrying the dirty boxes of food, i realized that I was still wearing my swallow flip-flops. It was the biggest laugh i had in the hospital.

I remember the day before leaving for seattle, i had to say goodbye to oma. She was no longer sitting on the high chair, she was just laying there in the bed. The grandkids were crowding around her, it was hard to understand things that she was saying. It was hard to understand then, and more so on the last time we talk. It was her 50th wedding anniversary, i think, or is it more than that? I talked with opa, laughed a lot, then with oma... i don't get whatever she was saying but i compensate with just telling a lot of things about seattle. It was in the summer, and I was out with my friends. We were waiting for the bus to come to the Northgate transit center. The anniversary, coincided with Theo's or was it Daniel's birthday?

Mom, i really want to go back to indo. Just, to talk with you guys. I want to be hugged and told that it's ok. I want to see opa, and I want to talk to him. I want to make sure that he's ok. Then maybe i'll be at peace, and then I'll be ok. We haven't skyped for a long time. Not since oma's 100th day. I think I might cry when i see you guys' faces. I miss you guys, and I want to be there to make sure that everyone is ok, that everyone is moving on. I want to talk with dad about oma, i want to sleep in with you guys, for a night. Besides, i haven't tried the new bed yet.

Seattle is terribly mellow. God's been nice to me. He's been letting the sun up to keep me slightly happier. It worked. But, i guess i just watched 2 sad movies about death tonight, and I was sort of pulled into the mood too.

7 months. gosh. When did you get over Opung's death, Mom? I can't imagine losing papi, when losing oma is already this hard. So I let my tears rolled, once a month? It is definitely getting more frequent these days. Maybe school was tolling on me too.

But anyway, what i wanted to say is, please come online, i want to say happy thanksgiving.


Love,

your daughter

Free Writing: Alphabet

"Alright, you're ready?"
"Been ready since 10 minutes ago"
"Come on, let's just go" he sighed and walked out the door.
"Doesn't the sky looked strange?" she asked.
"Energetic maybe? Too bright of an orange, crazy neon purple?"
"Funny you said that, i thought it was quite melancholic."
"Going to be over soon"
"Huh?"
"I said, the sunset is going to be over soon. We better walk faster," the couple walked on in silence.

"Jump over that fence and the rest you know it," he said.
"know it by heart"
"Let me know if there's anyone following us."
"Make sure you keep things quite."
"No problem," they parted.

"Ok, i'm in" she whispered to her phone.
"Pull open the gate for me"
"Quietly.." she motioned to him as she pushed in some buttons on the panel in front of her. Then from the corner of her eye she saw two headlights coming through the road by the woods.
"Run!" she whispered.
"Shut the gate. Meet me there," he whispered for the last time to the phone, before running past her.
"Take this," she threw him a knife. He ran towards the building, and break open the alarm system.
"Urinate on it"
"Very smart. Then risk everything we planned?" he cut a line and punch a series of codes.
"You've got one minute before the cars arrive."
"Xylene. you got it?" he looked up. she handed him the poison.
"Your shot. Make it out alive, will ya?" she pat his shoulder and quickly disappear.
"Zen..." he muttered to himself and went for the kill.

Have you ever wish that you've never head that one tid bit about that cute guy you used to like? Because for me, everytime i think about travelling around the world, i think about you. Now that i am working on a travel-destination project at work, you are the guy who's always on my mind. I was supposed to be grouping styles of photographs of travel sites, and now i am constantly checking facebook to see when  you will like my status update. Did i just make myself sound like a teenager again? Twenty-something and still unable to face a long time crush. I am pathetic.