Tuesday, June 21, 2011

good bye

sometimes what was there in the past
what was provoking and mysterious
that steamed up conversation
made up of our names
just our names

the gripping rhythm
the beating you gave with every
illusory punch in my heart
on my chest
just my name

sometimes satisfaction asks
for another try
again and

Saturday, June 18, 2011

lima puluh persen mereka cerai

mungkin suatu saat nanti
kita berdua bisa saling berani
untuk melihat fakta
bahwa perasaan yang kita pendam
tak pernah sama

namun tuk sementara
mari nikmati rasa
yang membodohi pikiran
bilang saja ini cinta

sampai akhir musim panas
saat demam mereda

Friday, June 17, 2011

Have We Met?

I had not returned to the city ever since I left it. Not in a very long time. Not until today, four years after. Nobody picked me up from the airport, it was supposed to be a pleasant surprise. After 10 phone calls each year, and at least fifteen letters sent home, i bet these people miss me.

Jakarta decided to mellow the day out for me. It rained, the little drizzle of rain that brings me back to the day I left for Africa. I walked out of the baggage claim area, into the sea of people, waiting for someone I know to pop up. But nobody was waiting for me. I took a cab and asked to go to a restaurant. A late dinner is better than nothing.

In the midst of the sound of spoon and forks against plates, I heard a laugh I know so well. In the corner of the room, he is there with his parents, talking. They just finished their meal and he waved to the waitress for the check. The waitress smiled and went to the cashier, taking a second glance back at the man I once knew. We never talked since I touched down in Africa. I sent him a letter, but he never replied. So I stopped after the third postcard. He looks good tonight, tux and all.

I returned home after a quick dinner. No, he did not notice me when he walked past. His mom took a glance at me, though, but soon looked away like I was a mirage. My mom and dad was asleep when I rang the bell. But I could hear them gasped when they saw my shadow over the fence. We talked all night, but all I could think of was Will and how I missed him.

A couple of days later the word got around that the africa-girl is back. Friends, and family gatherer in the house and they sat around me asking for stories. Everyone was there, Will was there too. He sat in the back of the room, sipping tea, eyeing me so tightly. It was weird at first, we have not even talked yet, just him looking at me constantly. So after three or five stories, I stood up and walked towards him. He stood up, slowly, and walked towards the verandah, I followed.

We stood in silence, all I could see was the garden and how things looked unbelievable similar to my memory. My mom still got her magical green fingers, my dad still raved about his own roasted coffee beans. I drank what was left from the dark african beer I brought as a souvenir and sat down on the floor. "What made you came back?" he asked. A question I have no answer for.

"Honestly, I went back on a whim. There's still much work to be done in the area, and seriously it's a long term thing. But I figured, there will always be something to work on. Be it getting new teachers for the elementary school, or building a new hospital, or irrigation system, or... us."

"Was there something wrong with us?" Will walked in front of me, and looked me in the eye. A confrontative trait I had not known he possesed. Possibly built in the three years that I was not around.

"Unfinished, yes. not wrong," I looked back at him. He could never beat me in a staring game. "How have you been?" I changed the subject.

"Getting there. I got two promotions since you left. You can say I'm the boss now," he smiled and I chuckled.
"Sexy secretary?"
"Sexy ones aren't all that dependable. I've got a lady twenty years older than us, she's a proud work horse, and she gets me whole-heartedly."
"Sounds like wife material to me," I replied.

"Do you know how I looked forward to a day like this three years ago?" he switched the topic back to what I fear it would be. Can't we just have a chat?  Geez.

"Do you know that going to Africa was my last resort?"

"You mean like, taking a break from everything and start fresh? You were so excited to do it though," Will stood up and looked away.

"It was an exciting prospect. I couldn't see myself doing anything else."

"To the point that you can't go back to Jakarta a year after you left like you promised me. Sure.."he shrugged sarcastically.

"I have my reasons," I got pretty annoyed by now.

"Yeah, then explain why you act like a total stranger in the restaurant?"

"The wha-" I stood up and stormed towards him. "Look, Will, if we're gonna argue about the times we missed and the things we wish we had said or done, it's too late for that now, ok? If you want to say something, just say it, cause beating around the bush gets us nowhere," seething in my boiling point.

He walked away, and said we should talk again when both of us are in better condition, which is another month from that last meeting, tonight. He came over to the house and picked me up for a dinner out. It was awkward in the car, but we've got the radio to aid the situation..